Josh: *Josh runs back into PAYLO’s room* WAIT! Why’d you put that writing in the ground?? *Shows picture of heart with names in it again.*
Josh: I thought we bonded…
PAYLO: NOPE! SCRAM!
Josh: *Josh looks terrified, and hides his mouth in his jacket again* Weeelll… Can you tell me? You’re like, just sitting in a bed, not doing anything. Pretty huge bed too, by the way.
Small Man: I quite think we’ve overstayed our welcome.*Grabs Josh by the arm and tugs but goes nowhere.*
Josh: Gah. Well. You know my number.*Josh finally decides to leave. Outside of the room, he turns to John.* Soo, you wanna get some food or something? There’s a subway not so far from here.
Small Man: Thanks, that right nice of ya. But I got to get home to me girl. She’s a bit upset about her parents, but she understands. Knew what she was getting herself into. Anyway. Real nice meeting you. *Quick hug, runs down the hall.*
Josh: Ha. Yeah. Have fun with the white in-laws! *Walks outside to Lexus* Sooo, I guess it worked out. I got my ability to be with my soulmate again.
Burt: *says in a happy tone* AGH AGH AGH!
Angel: Cool bro.
*Namoo just nods his head.*
Josh: Sooo. Subway?
Namoo: Subway is good.
Josh: Ok. Let’s go.
*New credits come on, in the style of a soap opera but with random explosions.*
*Meanwhile, Sean, Little Fox, and Gary return to Raleigh, giving up their search, only learning that the Nazis were dropped off by a glider. Gary heads to his hotel.*
Sean: *Back at his house with Little Fox* Well, I don’t know what to do, but to wait for another attack.*Calls Josh*
Josh: *Answers* Hey. What do you want?
Sean: Did you find PAYLO?
Josh: Yea. We talked it out. I can be with Kyla now.
Sean: *A little sadly, but happy for Josh* Alright, cool!
Little Fox: Is that Josh?
Sean: Yeah it is, LF.
LF: Oh, I need to meet up with Jew Squirrel, asap.
Sean: Why’s that LF? *LF doesn’t respond*
Josh: Alright, where are you guys?
Sean: We’re at my house.
*Mumbles come from Burt.*
Sean: And is that Burt on the phone Josh?
Josh: Yeah, me and him are pretty much besties now. Alright, we’ll all be there, asap.
Sean: Sounds good. Tell Angel he can head back to Michigan, tell Namoo to go to his post, and tell Lexis she can go home. You and Burt come on over. *Sean hangs up.*
*Muffled screams come from Burt.*
Josh: Burt? You ok?
*Burt, having just had broccoli, gags and vomits for a seemingly long time until out plops a David, covered in green broccoli vomit.*
Josh: Oh. I had completely forgotten about David.
David: Oh, how wonderful. *Shades eyes from light.*
Josh: Well, you can take a shower when we get to Sean’s.
David: Do… You… Know how Lo… Long… I’ve been in… In there?!?
Josh: Yeah. Just forgot about you.
David: *Glares through dripping Burt vomit.*
*A half an hour later, Josh, Burt, and David show up at Sean’s house where Sean and Little Fox are waiting on the front porch.*
Josh: Hey guys.
Sean: Hey, how’d it go?
Josh: Pretty good.
David: Hey Sean. *Looks at LF, blushes.*
Little Fox: Oh. That’s nasty.
Josh: *Walks up to Little Fox* Little Fox, I’m sorry that I married you just to get a van. I’m no good for you. And if we keep doing this you’re going to end up dead. I’m sorry.*Gives Little fox a little kiss then walks in house.*
Little Fox: *Following Josh and ignoring what he said* Jew Squirrel. I need your assistance.
Josh: *Ignoring Little Fox* Sean, is it cool if David uses your shower? He’s covered in Burt juice
Sean: Did you talk to PAYLO about Tim Curry?
David: Hold that thought. Where’s the bathroom, and do you have something I could wear?
Sean: Oh, umm, sure, also, I don’t think I have any clothes that’ll fit you, my laundry and dryer work pretty fast.
David: Josh? Any clothes?
Little Fox: *Annoyed that everyone’s ignoring each other* Ugh. *Quickly takes a very small amount of blood from the back of Josh’s neck.*
Josh: What the heck LF?!
Little Fox: You were ignoring me. Now. *Injects into own bloodstream.*
Josh: WHAT THE EVEN HECK?! Great. Now you have AIDS.
Little Fox: Don’t worry. *Lights fill the room for a few seconds and after it dissipates, where LF was standing is… a little fox. What was once a native American girl is now what looks like a baby red fox. * Finally. I’ve completed all the rituals.
Sean: Whoa, foxy! *Winks.*
Sean: WHOA! DAVID! NO! DAVID WAKE UP! DAVID! IT’S GONNA BE OKAY!!! WAKE UP!!!!
Josh: Crap. Now I have to do something I’ve never wanted to do to David *Gives CPR*
Sean: WAKKKEEEE UPPPP!!!
Little Fox: Guys, chill.
Sean: *Sean runs around the house screaming like his hair is on fire.*
Little Fox: Don’t worry. *Places a paw a Cyrus’s chest.*
David: *Wakes with huge gasping breath.*
Sean: *Sean stops, and continues to stare at Little Fox as if nothing happened.*
Josh: Ok, David. Now stop being dramatic and get naked. Don’t come back until you’re squeaky clean.
*Throws David in bathroom and locks door.*
David: *Comes out in a matter of seconds. Is clean, and wearing fresh clothes*
Little Fox: I’ve moved from this earth to the ethereal plain. I’d like to thank you, Jew Squirrel. This is the prophecy Pops was talking about.
Josh: Soooo. Why did you need my blood in order to be a fox?
Little Fox: You were the last ritual. The blood from a devoted white man. The “devoted” part was shaky here, but it’s the technicality of it.
Sean: Well, he’s definitely devoted, just not to you. So, need you still be married to him?
Josh: Sooooo. Does that mean I have the ability to turn into a Jewish squirrel?
Little Fox: Um, if you perform all the rituals.
Josh: Ok. Well that’s never going to happen.
Little Fox: It took me over 150 years so. Takes a lot of dedication.
Josh: You should probably go see a doctor about that HIV.
David: *Says in quiet voice from back of room* Is there any way I could finish this sacred process?
Little Fox: Excuse?
David: Peace… Tranquility… And… Love. So?
Josh: Anyway. I need to talk to you privately, Sean.
Sean: Alright. *in private* What do you need?
Josh: Do you know anyone by the name of Grummond?
Sean: Umm, sounds familiar…I think he’s an old legend wives used to scare their husbands or something.
Josh: Well he’s the one behind the nazis, the Korean spy, and the jet who killed Harris.
Sean: Wait, how do you know this?
Josh: I talked to God. PAYLO knows everything. I want you scrubbing through your contacts to find anything about this.
Sean: Of course, but understand PAYLO is not God.
Josh: Closest thing to a God that I’ve come to see. We need more muscle for this mission. It’ll probably be much more dangerous.
Sean: Alright, I’ll start getting the word out that I’m looking for Grummond. When I get any info, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, you need to go to Kyla, and love her like you’ve wanted to.
Josh: So, I need you and David with me. You’ll probably have to teach David fighting techniques; he seems fine behind a gun, so it’s good in that area.
*Meanwhile, in the other room.*
Josh: *Walks to other room.*
David: So, is there any way?
Josh: Alright guys. I’m going on a mission to find a new baddie, with the help of Sean. You guys in?
Little Fox: Cyrus is creeping me out and I’m tempted to take his soul.
David: I… What did I do?
Little Fox: He wants to “finish my process”. I’m close to omniscient and I don’t even know what he means.
Josh: Soooo. Little Fox. Do you have like superpowers now?
David: *Mumbles, so no one can hear* She always did…
Josh: *Starts cursing in español* Are you guys in or out?!
David: Of what? The search?
Little Fox: I’m so in, homie.
David: Same bro.
Sean: Josh, before we do anything, you really should go to Kyla. She’s the reason we went on this blasted quest.
Josh: Hold on Sean. So, little fox. Are we good?
Little Fox: Yeah, PAYLO is against bestiality, so our marriage is now annulled.
Josh: Um yeah. Eesh.
Sean: Wait, you can’t turn back into a human?
Little Fox: Why would I want to?
Josh: Can you turn into a human at will? Or is this permanent?
Little Fox: I mean, I can do whatever I want but. Ew. Humanity.
Sean: DANGIT! I mean…
Josh: Ok. Cool. Worst wedding day ever by the way.
Sean: *Depressed* Alright, Josh, hurry up and run to Kyla. I’m gonna go sulk. *Walks upstairs*
Josh: *Kisses little foxes tiny little furry forehead and walks out to the front porch where he proceeds to call Kyla.*
Kyla: *Kyla, several miles away, in her tower by the coast, answers her phone* Yellow?
Josh: Hey Kyla…
Kyla: Hey Josh. What’s up?
Cyrus: Little Fox, out of curiosity if I were to become like you are, what animal would I become? Oh, I’m silly. I’m sure that’s not how it works.
LF: No clue, what’s your Native American name?
Cyrus: Well, Josh got to choose Jew Squirrel, right?
Little Fox: No, it was appointed to Josh by Grandpappy. Have you been blessed by a chief?
David: *Blushes* Um no, I guess I haven’t. *Is ashamed.*
Little Fox: Yeah, well. I have no clue what you’d be. A dog maybe? Anyway, doesn’t matter unless you willing to kill a man and marry another.
David: Literal man? Or human?
Little Fox: Man. White man.
David: I choose kill, but only for good purposes.
Little Fox: No, sorry. Both.
David: And I’m a wolf.
Little Fox: You have no clue what you are. That’s a wild guess and I’m utterly insulted. I should burn your eyes out.
David: Um, check the rules, you must’ve had the female version….no, I really /feel/ that I’m a wolf. I need confirmation, but…
Little Fox: I really /feel/ like you’re appropriating my culture so..
David: Is there a chief around this area?
Little Fox: No.
Cyrus: Where is the closest?
Little Fox: No.
*At that moment, Burt walks in the room, rubbing his tummy. He licks David on the head.*
David: Uh, hey Burt.
Little Fox: That’s sweet. He’s likes you.
David: Well he better, I know him pretty well.
Burt: Agh agh agh. *says in a apologetic way*
David: It’s okay Burt.
*Meanwhile with Josh and Kyla*
Kyla: So, need something?
Josh: So. I know that you’re with Paulo. And I get that you probably don’t want me anymore. But I just wanted to let you know that I talked to the universe. We can be together without blowing up the Milky Way. I understand that you can’t take me back…. But I love you. And the universe is kind of a jerk.
*Thunder rolls in the distance.*
Kyla: Um. What? You talked to the universe?
Josh: What part of that sentence was confusing? Yes. His name is PAYLO. Or maybe it was a girl I really couldn’t tell. *Flashes back to Paylo’s terrifyingly adorable baby face* Yeah. But, Just wanted to let you know that I did that.
Kyla: Wait. You talked to the universe forrrr…?
Josh: *Frustrated and tired* OH MY GOSH, SO THAT WE COULD BE TOGETHER WITHOUT KILLING EVERYONE!! I asked him. And he was chill about it.
Kyla: Why.. when did we want to be together?
Josh: *Angry* Ok. Fine I get it. You’re all lesbian and gender fluid now and I’m still straight. Fine. Go make out with Anna. I have a freakin’ hot Native American wife and our children will probably be half human half fox.
Kyla: Whoa. Very typical of the white man. Get all offended when you get turned down. Wait, typical of the white man? *mutters to self* why did I say that?
Josh: Ok, say hi to all your lesbian friends! *hangs up* Hm. Why does everyone have to be gay nowadays?
Kyla: *After being hung up on* Wow. Do not want to get with that ball of adolescent rage.
Josh: Anyway. *Walks inside.*
Sean: *Sean comes downstairs, still sulking.* How’d it go with Kyla?
Josh: So hey guys. It didn’t work out. I kind of forgot why I feel in love with her in the first place. Also she’s pretty gay now. Soooo. I think I’ll just not be with her.
LF: SOMEONE GOT *imitates machine gun* SHOT DOWN.
David: *grins* Good deal.
Sean: *Depressed* Wow. Its a bad day for love…
David: *mumbles* No kidding…
Josh: *Trying to be enthusiastic* But that mission was pretty fun, right?!
Sean: Josh, people died… AND I STILL AM SINGLE.
Josh: Yeah. And I can’t believe I lost a beautiful Native American wife who now has freakin awesome powers. Lose something everyday… Well we’re still married on paper, but emotionally she’s done with me.
Sean: I wish I was actually attracted to someone like Kinsley, instead of just being business associates. Ugh, nevermind, I can’t imagine liking her. Ew. Gross.
Little Fox: Hey, success for me, gotta say dawg. I didn’t lose nothing. I’ve never been happier. At least I think that’s what this emotion is. This plane is all very new. And no. Human Little Fox doesn’t exist anymore. Our marriage was annulled.
Josh: So. You still want to kill someone LF?
Little Fox: Who you got for me?
David: Kill me.
David: Just do it.
Little Fox: Whoa. I mean. I don’t think..
Sean: DAVID! NO! YOU’LL BE WITH HER SOMEDAY…*mumbles* maybe.
Josh: David, stop being dramatic.
David: What purpose have I really had in this mission? I’ve been in a stomach this whole time. She clearly hates me anyway.
Josh: None. But you will in the upcoming one. David! I just got rejected by my soulmate who is now a lesbian and you’re mad that you can’t commit Bestiality!?
Sean: David, you’ve always been helpful. If it wasn’t for you and Shawn Spencer, I would have been married to Sofia Coppola. SHE WAS MINE BEFORE SHE WAS YOURS JOSH!!
David: *Quieter* She should have just let me die earlier…
Josh: *Trying to change the topic* Anyways. You still want to kill someone, LF?
Little Fox: It depends. I’m not a blood thirsty monster.
Josh: Hold on. *looks through pants* lemme get my naughty list.
David: *In response to Josh’s earlier statement* No, I’m mad that I have to commit homosexuality in order to have a heterosexual relationship. It makes no sense.
Little Fox: *gestures paw in between her and David* Whoa. No. You and me. No.
Josh: Ok. Let’s just. Move. On.
Sean: WHY ARE YOU SO DESPERATE?!?!
Josh: *Shoots shotgun in the ceiling* SHUT UP! EVERYONE!
David:… So just kill me.
Little Fox: Mm. What a ball of rage. Glad that not mine anymore.
Sean: *Breaks down in tears crying into a couch cushion.*
David: *Copies Sean, and start crying on the couch, probably for attention.*
Sean: *Through sobs* David Bowie diiiieeeed……
Little Fox: Aw. *Jumps onto couch and tickles cheek with whiskers* It’s gonna be ok.
David: *Gets jealous.*
Josh: *Points finger at Sean* PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! AND I LOVED HER WAY MORE THAN YOU DID! AND YOU SHOULD BE SCRUBBING THROUGH YOUR CONTACTS!
Sean: *Sobbing profusely* DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE! I HAVEN’T HAD A GOOD CRY IN AWHILE!
Little Fox: Whoa. Jew Squirrel VERY much needs to chill.
Josh: *Points finger at David* STOP BEING DRAMATIC! IF YOU WANT TO TURN INTO A GROUNDHOG, GO HAVE SEX WITH A WHITE MAN! AND ITS VERY DISTURBING THAT YOU’RE ATTRACTED TO AN ANIMAL!
David: I am not attracted to an animal. And I wasn’t attracted to a Native American woman either. It’s the spirit.
Sean: That’s racist.
Little Fox: Please don’t make me bring out my calming tears.
Josh: *Points finger at Little fox* AND YOU. YOU LEFT ME WITHOUT EVEN TALKING ABOUT IT FIRST. THE SPIRITS LOOK DOWN AT YOU. I LOOK DOWN AT YOU!!! AND YOU FREAKING TOOK MY BLOOD WITHOUT FREAKIN ASKING!!! AND SERIOUSLY YOU SHOULD GO TO THE CLINIC!!
Little Fox: *grows three times in size* Do not. Talk to me. About the spirits. White man.
Josh: *Empties shotgun at ceiling, then runs out of the house, jumps inside Lexi, and drives off.*
Burt: *Burt stays and sobs into cushion with the other two guys.* AGH AGH AGH AGH AGH!!! *sobs*
*Little Fox awkwardly stares at the group of crying men. This lasts for awhile until-*
Burt: *In the voice of a little kid* I always wanted a brother.
Little Fox: Wait. Did everyone understand him?
Sean: *Suddenly stops crying* Uh, yeah, I heard that.
David: *Stops crying as well* Kay, same but, that’s not new.
Burt: *In his brother’s voice* It’s not strictly speaking legal.
*At that moment everyone hears the toilet flush and out comes Namoo from the restroom.*
David: Everything come out alright?
Namoo: Burt is always talk to me.
Namoo: In Korean.
Little Fox: I feel the need to take the heart of the confusing, creepy one. *Points paw at David*
David: Not a blood thirsty monster, huh?
Namoo: *Namoo looks at LF uncomfortably* Ok. I play Fallout now. *Goes upstairs.*
Burt: *In pirate-like british accent* If I wasn’t, this would probably never work.
Sean: Guys, I think he’s speaking in movie trailer quotes. I only speak movie quotes. Dang.
Little Fox: Look. Burt, I thought you spoke gibberish only *Has shrunk back down to normal size now.*
Burt: *In woman’s voice* It’s not the house that’s haunted, it’s your son.
Burt: *In creep, evil voice* Let’s put a smile on that face.
Little Fox: How did this happen?
Sean: No clue.
*At that moment, everyone hears gun fire and German yells from outside.*
German: *From outside* Kill the American!!
Sean: WOOHOO! NAZIS! I mean…CRAP! NOT THE NAZIS!
Josh: *From outside* Gah!
Little Fox: You kidding? Not again again. Really with the whole Nazi scene.
*Sean runs upstairs, while Burt runs outside screaming, as Josh runs back in house.*
Josh: Sorry guys about what I said, but there’s freaking Nazis trying to kill me!
David/Cyrus: *Stands still.*
Nazi General: Kill the Americans and little animal!!!
*A Nazi soldier charges at the door, but has his head blown off by a sniper rifle.*
Josh: Hm? Sean did you do that?? Nice shot.
Sean: *Sean cheers from upstairs* YA’LL SEE THAT?!? I SHOT A NAZI!
Little Fox: *Conjures up a fireball on tail and slingshots it at a Nazi.*
*A Nazi with an MG42 on a stand outside begins spraying the window Sean’s shooting out of.*
Josh: David! *Hands David a huge revolver.*
*Second Nazi enters. David kicks his gun out of his hands, grabs it, and shoots the german.*
Cyrus: No thanks.
*Out of nowhere, Namoo jumps down from upstairs, wearing the power armor from Fallout.*
Namoo: Let me kill.
*Sean slides Namoo a Gatling Laser from upstairs. Namoo quickly starts mowing down charging Nazis.*
Josh: Sean! It’s time to use it. It’s time to get the pig!!!
Sean: *Calling from upstairs* YES MAM! *Sean rushes to his back window and yells* PETUNIA!
Cyrus: You know what? Screw it. *Takes revolver, duel wields, shooting a Nazi in both knees. Aiming down sight of right hand gun, he shoots him in the throat.* Little Fox! Help us!
Josh: *Josh calls someone on the phone to come and help* Don’t worry everyone! Help us coming! He’s the only one I know who’s better at doing what I do than I am.
*After waiting a minute, helping the others fight the Nazis, a giant pig charges in, which Sean promptly jumps onto, Rifle in hand.*
Josh: Go Sean!
Sean: Onwards Petunia!!! *Charges straight at the Nazi Squad, riding on his giant pig.*
Josh: *Murmurs to himself* This is glorious. *Aims Sniper rifle and covers Sean.*
Nazi soldier: GAH!!! It’s the crazy one!!!
*Several of the enemies are quickly trampled or eaten by the pig.*
Nazi Commander: Fire!!!
*All Nazis start shooting.*
*Sean is laughing hysterically, and clearly has no idea what’s going on, as the Nazis have him on a high.*
*Josh does the best he can to protect Sean, but there are just too many guns.*
Sean: Ah, Heer infantry! Pathetic! Your MP40s are barely polished, wannabe SS!
Nazi: YOU’RE SUCH A NERD!
Little Fox: *LF whips out a few more fireballs.*
Josh: *Sniper rifle runs out of ammo.* Sean!!! I can’t cover you anymore!!!
Cyrus:*Hits Nazi on the nose with gun, takes AK-47 and grenade from Josh’s duffle bag, times grenade throw into air, explosion distracts everyone, mows down 4 Nazis with AK.*
Josh: Sean!!! Your going to die!!
Sean: YOU’RE A SHAME TO THE FUHER!! *Chucks a baseball at a Nazi’s face.*
Nazi Soldier: Yes! Haha!! I will kill the crazy one!!
*The Nazi aims rifle at Sean and fires. Petunia falls down with a mighty squeal, shot far too many times. Sean barely misses getting shot.*
*Sean cries over the body of petunia, barely being covered by her body.*
Cyrus: *From 86 yards away shoots Nazi with revolver, shoots again. Runs out of ammo.* Nothing! *Throws gun at Nazi, knocking him out cold.*
Josh: Sean!! Get out of there!! *Josh jumps out with compound bow and shoots an explosive arrow at the nazimobile.*
*David hits the dirt.*
*The car explodes throwing the Nazis all over the place, and making the pig carcass land on Sean.*
Josh: *Runs over to Sean and pushes the wild boar off of him.* Dude. Did you just have a psychotic break down?
Sean: *Coughing and confused* Where’d they get that fire power? This is a light heer division, meant for auxiliary attacks judging by their boots.
*A bullet hits Josh in the back, making him fall on Sean.*
Sean: OOF. Ugh, Josh, now is not the time.
*Three Nazis appear from the smoke, all pointing MP40s at Sean, who is unable to move because of Josh’s body.*
Nazi: You are ours now, crazy American!!
Sean: *Weakly* Pfft, nice guns. Probably don’t even have double clip attachments…
*Out of nowhere, three suppressed bullets are fired in one second, and they all fall to the ground with holes in their head.*
Sean: *Looks slightly impressed* Hmm. Well, that’s convenient. *Sean passes out.*
Voice: *Coming from behind the smoke, a silhouette appears. Trying to sound cool, he says in a familiar voice* Sorry I’m late, Josh. *Josh doesn’t respond* Josh??
Cyrus: *Stands up, points gun at stranger.* Who are you? *When he doesn’t respond, he asks Josh* Who is this guy Josh?
Voice: Put that thing down David, before you get hurt.
Cyrus: I don’t doubt you could beat me, but I don’t know you and I’m not putting this gun down. I’ve already made it very clear I don’t care if I die.
Little Fox: Who is this?
Voice: I just saved your lives. And is that a talking squirrel?!
Little Fox: I’m a fox, obviously.
Voice: *Turning back to David* You’re just a cop. I got one tour in the army and three tours in the marines. Same as Josh. So put that down before you get hurt.
Cyrus: I’m not just a cop, I was never just a cop. That’s just what I told Sean, so I could work with him.
Little Fox: Yes you were. You just wanted access to the drugs though, remember?
Cyrus: Not exactly.
*Out of the smoke appears someone. A man. None other than…Naterbug (Nate)*
Nate: *Confused* Who’s Matt?
Cyrus: Nobody. Just felt like screaming Matt. Hey Nate.
Little Fox: Nate? Ah, the man Jew Squirrel is gay for.
Nate: Wait…*Nate sees Josh and Sean laying on the ground. He runs over to them.*
Cyrus: Help them Nate.
Nate: Sean’s got a pulse.
Cyrus: *Sees Nate is distracted. Shoots his gun.*
Nate: Okay, and so does Josh. Josh is wearing a vest. David, come here.
Cyrus: Um, kinda busy. Just shot a guy’s gun. *Walks towards Nate regardless*
Nate: *Picks up Sean and hands him to David.* He’s pretty light. Just get him in the car. We need to get out of here before the cops show up. Alright. I’ll get Josh. You with them, Miss Fox?
*LF nods her head.*
*After everyone gets in Nate’s van, they drive off. A few minutes later the cops show up. Josh wakes up, instantly alert.*
Cyrus: Where Namoo?
Josh: I think he went back to finish playing fallout.
Cyrus: Oh. Ok.
Nate: I got your duffle bag, Josh.
Josh: Oh, thanks.
Nate: Good thing Josh called me. Otherwise, you idiots would be dead.
Cyrus: *Mumbles* I had it under control…
*Sean wakes up drowsily.*
Sean: *Looks at Josh* Oh good, you’re safe. Oh, hey Nate. Is everyone okay?
Josh: Well, my back hurts.
Nate: Surprised you’re smart enough to wear a vest.
Sean: *Suddenly realizing something* What about my house!?! And Petunia?!?! And that pristine antique Nazi Equipment?!?
Little Fox: The pig?
Nate: Oh dude. That place is like… Let’s just say you’ll need some remodeling… and the SS equipment was totaled by Josh. Who’s Petunia?
Sean: Head of Otis’ Elite Guard back in the day.
Nate: Well, I saw a dead pig when I saved you kids. A pretty big one. It was a beast.
Sean: *Looks sad, but too tired to freak out.*
Sean: Why did we run?
Sean: The cops are on our side in this situation though?
Nate: Cops cops cops. Cops are always the problem Sean.
Josh: *Nods* So, what now?
Nate: Well, you guys can stay at my bunker for a few weeks until you figure out what to do.
Sean: I really need to grab some stuff from my place.
Little Fox: You have a bunker?
Nate: I want David and the fox to be wearing bags over their heads. I don’t trust them.
Cyrus: No. I don’t know who put you in charge here, but I don’t care. If you’re on my side, you won’t put a bag over my head.
Little Fox: Dude. I’m a fox. What am I gonna do?
Sean: I still don’t understand why I can’t go- wait, you’re putting a bag on a fox’s head?
Josh: Nate. David will never agree to that. Let me spare you the trouble
*Attempts to inject syringe in Davids neck.*
Cyrus: No. *Hasn’t taken his eyes off of Josh, because he doesn’t trust him. Grabs Josh’s hand, making Josh drop the syringe. Josh takes out another one.*
Sean: Well, that’s not good. *Sean looks nonchalantly at the situation* Where do you get all those syringes?
Josh: Sean. Syringes are important to have when kidnapping people.
Sean: If he doesn’t want to go to said bunker, he doesn’t have to. Also, why are you kidnapping people so much?
Cyrus: I’m fine going. Just not with a bag over my head. I killed 8 Nazis earlier, I think you can trust me to help you.
Sean: That’s 12 people you’ve killed on record.
Cyrus: 10. 2 of them didn’t count!
Nate: *Turns around and shoots a tranquilizer gun at Little Fox.*
Little Fox: *The dart goes right through her.*
Little Fox: Rude.
Josh: Oh. David, you might hate me, but that syringe was actually heroin.
Cyrus: Good thing it didn’t get in me.
Josh: Gosh, I thought I threw away all my heroin. Hopefully this experience doesn’t get you addicted. *Keeps attempting to inject him. The two wrestle for a bit.*
Sean: You know, I kind of want to go home and clear my head, plus, I need to check how many people I killed.
Josh: I think you killed like three. If you’re counting the people that you killed with the pig, then like 10.
Sean: Ugh, I hate it when I go crazy like that.
Nate: Alright, we’re here. *Josh gives up on injecting David.*
Sean: That was quick.
*Nate drives into secret garage.*
Sean: Hmm. Little Fox? Could you do me a favor?
Little Fox: Yes, Paul?
Sean: Paul? Wait, what???
Little Fox: I mean Sean. Omniscience can be hard to control, sorry. What was that favor?
Sean: *Freaked out, thinking that Little Fox is a telepath* Nevermind…
Nate: Sooo, Josh, you wanna tell me why there’s a magical fox in my van?
Cyrus: Cuz she’s playing hard to get…
Sean: Why am I in your van, that’s another good question.
Josh: Ummm… she used to be a hot Native American chick. But apparently she can turn into a fox and she’s also my wife.
Little Fox: Can turn into a fox? I am a fox. Also. Not your wife.
Nate: Didn’t know you were into that stuff man
Josh: Shut up. She just wanted me for my blood anyway. She like, injected herself with it.
Nate: Ooo. Bad move miss fox. But come in. You guys look hungry.
*Everyone walks into secret bunker house, except for Sean, who sits in van some more, looking around dreamily.*
Nate: Don’t mind the dogs. They just sniff.
*Four massive black German shepherds appear. The dogs swarm to David.*
Cyrus: Told you I’m a wolf. I’m the alpha dog. *The dogs jump all over David, knocking him over.*
Nate: David. Fox lady. You guys stay here for a second. There’s some dog food over there, miss fox.
Little Fox: I don’t eat. That’s insulting.
*David finally gets back up, but the dogs start following him everywhere.*
Sean: *Calls from garage* Can someone get me a wheel chair?!
Josh: What? Are you injured? Sean?
Sean: A giant pig landed on my legs, and I’m still a little shaken after that breakdown. So yes. I am injured.
Little Fox: Get my homie a wheelchair.
*Nate and Josh both pick up Sean and put him in the middle seat of a red pickup truck.*
Nate: Come, let’s get you to a doctor.
Josh: David, you wanna stay here and get to know little fox?
Little Fox: No.
Cyrus: Yeah, that’s not my decision.
Sean: Hey, doesn’t David know some medical stuff?
Cyrus: I know a lot of stuff.
Sean: Him and Cyrus were interns at that Medbay in my vault.
Nate: *Surprised* Learn something new everyday…
Little Fox: You know. I could just…*floats over to Sean*
Nate: Shosh, help me get Sean to the couch
Josh: *While bringing Sean to the couch* Do you like, have healing powers, little fox?
Cyrus: Hm? LF?
Sean: Little Fox, no, that defeats the point of life.
Josh: Do it LF! *Drops Sean on the couch, causing Sean to cry out in pain.*
Little Fox: Don’t tell me what to do, white man. So bossy. Just like those pioneers. “Go down the path” “But we don’t wann-, “Go or you die” Gosh. You people really haven’t changed have you?
Sean: Ugh, you’re making things really hard for me right now….
Little Fox: Also. I ain’t should misuse my powers.
Josh: OK then. Let’s go to a freakin Doctor!
Sean: *Hoarsely* LET DAVID DO IT! Whoa, that hurt…
Nate: Um. What the _____ is that??? *Points out window, to Burt running towards the house. Once Burt arrives, he starts knocking on the door.*
Nate: Anyone else wondering why there’s a giant headed jack from Titanic, knocking on my door?
Sean: That’s really what you knew him from? Pathetic.
Nate: *shrugs* I like that movie… the first part at least. The second part was boring. *Wink wink.*
Sean: Nate, I showed you Inception!
Nate: Ooohhh yeayeayea. Inception.
Josh: That’s not even Leonardo DiCaprio out there. It’s Burt.
Sean: *In absolute awe* Burt Dicaprio. That glorious beast. *Smiling a little bit.* Speaking of which, Josh got totally turned down by Kyla today.
Nate: Oh yeah, she’s gay now buddy.
Josh: Yeah, I know..
Nate: Otherwise, you and I would be having a little competition.
Little Fox: Ha, and Jew Squirrel freaked out like an angry 14 year old.
Sean: I’m hearing that a lot. *Grinning widely now* Josh, are you Jew Squirrel?
Nate: What? Josh?
Josh: EVERYONE! SHUT UP!
Sean: *Laughing painfully* It’s literally the perfect name for you.
Josh: DAVID! JUST FREAKIN DO YOUR MAGIC ON SEAN!
Sean: Magic, *annoying southern christian voice* that’s a sin.
Josh: *Ignoring Sean* Aren’t you a Doctor trainee?? Or whatever.
Nate: Well. You guys are weird. *Walks in kitchen.*
Josh: Sean. Just. Can we go to a hospital???
Sean: No. You don’t like cops. I don’t like hospitals. Lets leave it at that.
Josh: Alright fine. Go suffer in pain then
Sean: No, David/Cyrus will fix me up.
Josh: Let your Gymnophobia kill you
Sean: It’s not just that. *Crazy look in eye* I don’t like HOSPITALS….*Seems like he’s trying to imply something, but Josh doesn’t get it.*
Cyrus: *Walks back into the room* Sorry guys, I was showing the dogs who’s boss.
*Nate walks back up eating a box cereal out of cooking bowl*
Nate: David. Don’t rape my dogs
Cyrus: Whoa. No bestiality here!
Nate: Shosh. I gotta show you something
*Josh and Nate walk into office.*
Sean: DAVID! Fix meh up.
Cyrus: Ok. What seems to be the problem?
Sean: My legs are broken, I think.
David: Ok. Lie on the table.
Sean: What table?
Cyrus: That one. *Points at table.*
Sean: Well, my legs are broken…
Josh: *Poking his head in from the office* Don’t you be sitting on my coffee table!
Cyrus: Shut up
Sean: *Surprised* You own a coffee table in Nate’s house? Can I rent that bookshelf? Its cute.
Josh: Me and Nate used to be roommates back in the day.
Cyrus: *Picks scrawny little Sean up and carries him to table and begins to do his magic.*
Sean: AGH. CAREFUL! MY LEGS ARE FRAGILE.
Cyrus: Ok, tell me where it hurts.
Sean: In meh legs mainly. Considering they are broken.
Cyrus: I’m just going to feel around.
Sean: I really don’t like the sound of that.
Cyrus: Tell me what hurts. *Begins stabbing legs in various places with fingers.*
Sean: *Tries to suppress shouts* Gah! Mmm…grr, yess all those places…
Cyrus: I’m gonna need some athletic tape, some more athletic tape, athletic tape, athletic tape, athletic tape, athletic tape, athletic tape, and two 2by4s.
Cyrus: Also, some ibuprofen.
Little Fox: *LF hides in a cupboard to sleep.*
*Cyrus follows suit.*
Sean: *Sean watches as his doctor just lays down and falls asleep* Ummm dude? David! Ugh, whatever. *Falls asleep*
*End of scene*