Josh’s Dad Rises
*Nate and David are hanging out in the bunker, just chilling out.*
Nate: So wassup?
Nate: Cool. Me too.
Nate: So weird. Doing the same thing…
David: Small world.
Nate: Mmhmmm. Only has like a couple trillion people. Small world. Really small.
David: Count again bud.
Nate: 1-2-3-4_6_9_0-6-5-8-7-5_8_8-8-9-2 *Counts all night, and when David wakes up again the next day, Nate finishes* Yup. Counted to two.
David: Good job.
Nate: Thanks. Been working on counting since yesterday. It’s an art.
David: Rully? Coo’.
Sean: *Walking in, just waking up* It’s actually 8 billion people.
Nate: Nah. 25 trillion.
David: 82 gazillion.
Nate: Ah yes! Gazillion… I yahood that. *Calls Kyla on the phone* Oh, hey Kyla. Isn’t there 82 gazillion people on earth?
Kyla: Actually, 17.
David: Total? Kyla?
Sean: *Confused as to the nonsense that is being spoken* Where is this coming from?
Nate: From Obama. I blame Obama.
David: And Hitler.
Nate: Yes him too
Sean: Don’t shame the name of my boy.
Kyla: Well. Guess what. I called Bernie Sanders and he told me it was 17. So, I think I have the authority here.
David: Dang it. She got us. I mean, it’s the Bern.
Nate: Well, he’s old and wise, so I’d believe him
Sean: I am Bernie Sanders though.
Kyla: Duh. I called you.
Nate: Shush Jimmy. Shupta, kay?
Kyla: You told me. Remember?
Sean: No….oh gosh….
*Credits in the style of the 1960s Batman Television series come on.*
*On Valentines day, Josh, Sean, Nate, David, and Kyla sit at a table for lunch together. Sean is showing some pictures he had taken with Namoo. In the pictures, Sean is wearing an over sized Boston T-shirt tucked into a giant belt. On his head is a neck pillow, and his hand is a toy laser gun. He looks super feminine.*
Sean: My latest photoshoot.
Josh: What the heck is on your head?
Sean: Namoo’s neck pillow. *Shows a picture of the adorable Namoo with it on his head.*
Kyla: Aw, that’s wonderful.
Sean:He said he feels like Will Ferrell in Zoolander.
Josh: *To everyone* I love you.
Sean: Love you too.
Nate: Love you too, Sean.
David: *Suddenly getting really emotional* I love you guys so much. I know I don’t go to snap anymore, and I haven’t for a while, but I still consider most of you very close and good friends of mine, and to the others, you seem cool so…*laughs a little* Hopefully we are friends for a long time. Have a good Valentine’s Day. Love.
Sean: Love to you, as well. May the blessings be.
David: Thanks bro.
Sean: So, I got some news on Lord Grummond.
Sean: *Gets phone call* Oh, I’ll tell you later guys. The guys who are gonna clean up my house just got to my house, so, I have to go. Bye! *Leaves in a hurry*
*Later that day, in the bunker.*
Burt: *Knocks on door. At this point Sean can’t do anything about it, as he went home the day before, and has been working on finding Lord Grummond and cleaning up his house.*
Nate: Where’d Sean go?
Josh: Said he needs to focus on finding our target.
Nate: *nods* Who’s the target?
Josh: Some real big guy. Names “Lord Grummond”
Nate: Did you just say Grummond??
Josh: Yeah? You know him?
Nate: I know a guy who’s always working with him. He’s always worrying that Grummond will kill him for not paying up on time. His names Tim. But he’s pretty hard to find, and I rarely see him.
Josh: Huh. I’ll let Sean know. *Answers*
Gravelly voice: *A gruff voice answers that very obviously isn’t Sean answers* Crossroads. One hour.
*The phone hangs up.*
*In the woods outside Crossroads*
Man in Mask: *Points gun at Sean who’s tied up* It’s been an hour. Where’s your friend?
Josh: *Appearing behind the man in the mask* Me? *Shoots tranquilizer gun two times.*
*Man in Mask falls to the ground.*
Sean: *Looking up at Josh* Oh, hey, cool.
Josh: What happened?
Sean: So, I was working in my newly fixed up room, and this guy comes up behind me in a gun, tells me to stand still as he ties me up, then brings me here.
Josh: Sooo… He tied u up while pointing a gun at you?
Sean: *Thinks for a second* Umm, yeah, I guess he did.
Josh: So with one hand?
Sean: Wow, *looks at man* dang, he’s good.
Josh: *Impressed* That’s skill.
Sean: *Also impressed* Seriously.
Josh: *Zip ties mans hands and feet.*
Sean: Can we take his mask off?
Josh: *Cuts Sean loose. Josh checks the gun, its full of blanks. He then unmasks the man. Underneath is another mask. It’s Batman. They take the second mask off. It’s Bruce Wayne.*
What the even heck? Is that Bruce Wayne?
Sean: Whoa, BRUCE WAYNE IS BATMAN?!?!
Josh: Makes sense.
Sean: Don’t be so smart. Noone could’ve seen this coming. Plus, he’s your dad, so I’m surprised you didn’t already know.
Josh: Well. Alright then.
*Nate comes along and helps Josh carry Bruce into the back of the van.*
Sean: *On the way home in the van* Alright, so, why do you think Batman kidnapped me?
Josh: Maybe he thought that you’re scare crow?
Sean: I can see the resemblance. But, he knew my address, and I’m a lot younger than Crane. Plus, Crane is in Arkham right now.
Josh: Hm. Well let’s ask him.
*They go back to the bunker.*
Sean: Ugh, I hate this place.
Nate: Why? It resembles a closet?
Sean: It smells. And it reminds me of my childhood.
*Josh and Sean tie Bruce to the bed.*
Sean: Oh, hey, he’s awake.
Batman: *in growl* WHERE AM I?!?
Sean: Dude, your mask’s off.
Batman: *Normal voice* Crap! What’s going on??
Josh: OH! I tranquillized you. Twice. That’s what happens if ya be wavin guns at people dad.
Bruce Wayne: Dang. I really should’ve been more prepared, two masks really ruins your peripheral vision.
Josh: So, why did you abduct Sean?
Batman: Why should I tell you?
Josh: Cuz your zip tied to a bed.
Batman: Wouldn’t be the first time…
Josh: You don’t want to know all the gayness David can do.
Batman: Once again, wouldn’t be the first time.
Josh: WHOA! You were with David?
Josh: I guess that’s why David is suicidal. Cuz he wants all gay people dead.
Nate: Mm again. *Nate walks out.*
Batman: UGH! No! It was the Joker.
Josh: OOOH! So that’s how he got those scars.
Batman: UGH! NOT WHAT I MEANT. NEVERMIND!
Josh: Anyway, can you not be difficult and just tell us?
Batman: I’m Batman…
Nate: *Walks in again* Why is there a shirtless guy in my bed? Only Josh is allowed to do that.
Sean: Nate, you helped bring him here.
Josh: I just drove you guys here.
Sean: You took him to the car. AND WHEN DID HE BECOME SHIRTLESS!?!?
*Nate awkwardly walks out.*
Josh: *shrugs* I think it was David.
Sean: Josh, no. Don’t lie.
Josh: DAD. Can ya tell us?
Batman: I’M BATMAN!!!
Josh: I’m Josh!
Batman: Oh, hey.
Josh: Tell me or so help me, the whole country will know your identity.
Batman: It’d only be a surprise to the guys. *clicks tongue*
Josh: Umm, LITTLE FOX!
Josh: Come here this instant! LF!!!!
Batman: SEAN CONDON KNOWS INFO!
Josh: *turns to Sean* Sean?
Sean: *shrugs* Don’t mean to be prideful. I know a lot of info.
Sean: Why would you want Josh if you needed info from me anyway?
Josh: *Turns back to Batman* Yeah, you creep!
Batman: Ugh. Fine. I need a partner.
Josh: Ummm. Ew.
Batman: Or a team, so to speak.
Josh: You have like six former apprentices. Why don’t you ask them?
Batman: I need a team like yours. People not from Gotham.
Josh: Sorry, but we’re fresh out of Asians, if that’s what you were lookin’ for.
Batman: UGH! I NEED PEOPLE WHO KNOW TIM CURRY AND HOW TO FIGHT HIIIIMMMM!!!!
Sean: *involuntarily yelps* Tim C-Curry?
Josh: Okay, there’s no need to raise your voice. Sooo… you know Grummond too?
Batman: WHO THE HECK IS GRUMMOND???
Josh: Again. There’s no need to raise your voice at me.
Nate: *Comes back in again.* Hey guys. I got pizza.
Burt: *Knocks on door.*
Batman: Sorry, its my Batman voice. Do you not do a voice when you go vigilanting?
Josh: Well, I have like a robotic voice changer thing. It’s a lot easier on the throat.
Batman: Oh, that makes sense.
Josh: Yeah. Well do u want pizza?
Batman: Umm, sure, just cut me loose.
Josh: Ok. *cuts loose* I knew that you were Batman. I mean, I had it narrowed down to a list of 52 guys, but you were definitely on that list.
Burt: *knocks on door*
Batman: *Through mouth of pineapple pizza* Yeah, right. My alibi is tight.
Josh: Well, there’s not many rich men in Gotham that are clean.
Burt: *knocks on door*
Batman: Yeah, but I’m a busting alcoholic, remember?
Josh: Yet, here you are as batman.
Batman: *embarrassed* Shut up.
Burt: *From outside* AGH AGH AGH AGH
Nate: What the____ is that? *Opens the door.*
Sean: Nate, we’ve been through this. That’s Burt Dicaprio.
Nate: oh. Burney wasn’t it?
*Burt swallows the slice of pizza out of Nate’s hand. Burt then grimaces and throws up.*
Nate: Come on!
*Burt walks in and starts devouring the kitchen table.*
Josh: Soooo. We’re kinda on a mission to find this Grummond guy.
Batman: *At the same time as Josh, and then ignoring him* So, you want to help me out? I’m trying to bring Tim to Arkham.
Sean: *Dramatically staring off into the distance* You can’t capture Tim… You can’t stop him…
Josh: Maybe we can If we can get Gary?
Sean: Arkham is for criminals, Tim isn’t a criminal. Tim is a monster.
Josh: Then we kill him.
Sean: *Grimly laughs*Josh, we’ve fought Tim together three times now. You think that’ll work. You lost your wings because of him. Think of what he’ll do this time.
Nate: Guys! There’s a suspicious car parked outside.
Batman: Oh, that’s probably Red Hood. I told him to keep his distance in case something like this happened.
Josh: Red hood? You trust him?
Batman: Not necessarily, but I need help.
Josh: He did try to kill you in the past. Guess you guys saw father/son therapy. So, anyway, Sorry, but I’m focusing on Grummond right now.
Batman: It happens. Who hasn’t had their kids try to kill them before?
*Burt is the only one who raises his hand.*
Josh: He almost had me killed like, four times.
Batman: Who, Red Hood?
Josh: Yea, no, Grummond. Sorry.
Batman: Oh, how did he attack you?
Josh: He almost killed me with a jet when I was traveling by air. And then he had nazis attack me. Then one of his spies almost killed me. Then another attack of nazis came.
Batman: Dang, he really wants you dead. Any idea why?
Sean: I do.
Josh: What is it?
Sean: Like I said, I learned some about him. Come with me.