*Jasper skypes Josh, Sean, and Kyla while clearly holding a sniper rifle and aiming it at Sean’s window*
Jasper: Can someone explain to me who this Korean friend of yours is?
Sean: Yes. *Looks out window calmly, and leaves the room at to not get shot.*
Jasper: Oh good, thanks. He looks nice. *Aims gun at Namoo now.*
Sean: He is. He’s leaving this Sunday. *Comes back in with a tranquilizer gun and shoots out the window at Jasper, knocking him out.*
Josh: *From Seth’s house* WHAT!?!? FREAKING NAMOO IS LEAVING?!?!?
Kyla: *From her Coastal Tower.* Wait, what?
Josh: FREAKING. NAMOO. LEAVING.
Kyla: I thought he was staying like, another month?
Josh: NAMOO!!! *Sobs* SEAN! LET ME GO TO YOUR HOUSE THIS WEEK!!
Sean: YOU CAN’T!!!
Sean: He’s leaving right after Winterfest on Sunday. And you’re in California right now. WINTERFEST!
Josh: GAH! I NEED TO SPOON HIM ONCE MORE! So yeah, tell him I said goodbye.
Sean: *Walks over to Namoo and shows Josh on his phone* Namoo send your farewells to Josh.
Namoo: *Takes out pocket knife and smiles evilly* Say goodbye…
Josh: NAMOO! I WOULD KILL YOU IF IT WASNT FOR YOUR PERFECT BODY!
Namoo: *Points at lamp* If it is you…*Takes knife and begins to slash and stab the lamp shade, while grunting and growling.*
Josh: NAMOO! YOU MAY KNOW HOW TO HACK REALLY GOOD AND STUFF, BUT YOU CANNOT FIGHT!!!
Sean: He definitely can fight. He was showing me his terrifying self defense moves. He was showing me how he would destroy my crotch if I grabbed his shoulder. That sounded weird….
Josh: Oh, well, martial arts is pretty much the only way for Koreans to fight. And wait what?? *After Sean doesn’t respond for a second* SEAN!
Josh: So what avenger member are you most like?
Sean: I’ll be Bruce Banner
Josh: Ooo. Good. What about just any hero in the marvel universe?
Sean: Spiderman maybe.
Josh: Not who you want to be, just who shares your personality. Nate would be Iron man or Star lord.
Sean: Spiderman probably for me. I dunno.
Josh: What about Kyla?
Sean: I dunno. Marvel isn’t my expertise. Plus, most super hero girls are sluts.
Josh: Or they just dress like sluts even though they’re not
Sean: Yeah. I don’t know Marvel well enough.
Josh: What about for DC? Like all of us.
Sean: I know Batman better than anything, so thats the only way I could do this. *Puts down phone to go do something, Namoo makes weird hand motions on the screen.*
Jasper: *Drowsily waking up, having dropped his sniper rifle from the tree* Hey, I’m good with Marvel. Should I pick a character? If so, DEADPOOL. And ant man. And star lord. Well ya know Kyla could be the Phoenix, except she turns evil and dies. But then wolverine went back and altered the history, so she’s all cool now. And she is NOT a slut…Or she could be storm. Orrrrr she could be freakin black widow. Oh my gosh. She could never be the girl from fantastic 4. That team is sooooo lame! GUYZ! KYLA CAN BE SCARLET WITCH! Yes. Kyla, you are scarlet witch.
Kyla: *Sends picture of Scarlet Witch in slutty outfit* Yeah, good plan.
Kyla: Not slutty in any way.
Jasper: But you would need to change your outfit. A little…
Kyla: I’d love to be her. Why would we change her clothes? She’s obviously just like me exactly how she’s currently dressed.
Jasper: So you wear skimpy clothes??
*Josh looks sad.*
Jasper: Mm. Sad face?
Josh: No. That’s not Kyla.
Kyla: You sure?
Josh: Kyla cannot dress like that. The universe will not allow it.
Jasper: Well, I mean, I’ve never seen you wearing them…
Josh: JASPER. Kyla will not dress like that.
Jasper: But that doesn’t mean you don’t.
Josh: Me? Well, those are my pajama clothes.
Jasper: Are you sure poo poo?
Josh: Of course she does not. It’s freaking Kyla.
Jasper: I’m 50% sure she doesn’t wear those. 25% sure she wears them in her room.
25% sure she wears them in public.
Kyla: You’re 100% wrong. I wear them always.
Jasper: But, at snap you didn’t.
Josh: Honestly if she wore them in her room only, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Jasper: Yeah. But she says otherwise, and she’s always right.
Kyla: I actually have Scarlet Witche’s outfit. I wear it to the store usually.
Josh: Can I be QuickSilver? Then I’d be her brother.
Jasper: Uh heck no, you’re not her bro. Freaking weirdo.
Josh: SHES MA LITTLE SISSY!! I AM QUICKSILVER!!
Kyla: Oh, I have QuickSilver’s outfit too.
Jasper: Nice! I should be quicksilver. Kyla, who is your brother: me or josh?
Kyla: No. I think I’m both, melded into one person.
Josh: Jasper. You’d be a terrible brother, telling yo sister to dress like dat.
Jasper: Nooooo….I never said that.
Kyla: Like what? I can wear what I want.
Josh: Kyla. You’re Kyla. Anything past shorts and T shirt is off limits for you.
Kyla: Says who?
Josh: Like, PAYLO agrees. *Thunder crashes in the distance, making Jasper fall from the tree.*
Kyla: PAYLO said nothing about the way I dress.
Jasper: *Trying to steady himself after hitting the ground hard.* Who’s PAYLO?
Kyla: Your mom.
Josh: Whoa. Plot twist. Jasper is the son of PAYLO.
Jasper: Phone company?
Josh: JASPER! WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA!?!? Anyways, I’m out. *Hangs up.*
Jasper: Darn. Tell me little sis.
Kyla: Who’s little sis?
Jasper: *Sends another picture of Scarlet Witch’s Outfit.* Just makin sure, you have this?
Kyla: Ew. No. Of course not, almost everything I just said was utter sarcasm. Ick. So gross.
Jasper: Exactly. Just what I was thinking. *Looks pleased with himself*
Sean: *Sean returns, and looks thoughtful* That moment when an image of Kyla wearing those clothes crosses your mind….
Kyla: Ew no! Don’t do that! Gross, don’t do that.
Jasper: Sean, you’re perverted. *Picks up Sniper Rifle and aims it up at Sean* Although, I had that same moment. *Smiles awkwardly*
Sean: I didn’t say I enjoyed it. If we were talking Josh, I’d imagine Josh in that cos- ewwwwww. See?
Kyla: How about we fuhgettaboutit. *Hangs up*
*Jasper is just about to finally kill Sean, when Sean appears behind him. Jasper checks to see what he was aiming at before, realizing it was a dummy, and then is promptly knocked out by Sean.*
*Opening credits play, in the style of a monster horror movie.*
*Josh skypes Kyla and Nate. David is with him. The two are on their way to the caves.*
Josh: Anybody want to go to the mall when I get back from Cali?
Kyla: The mall can’t handle me, Josh.
Josh: Maybe you can’t handle the mall.
Kyla: Probably true also.
Nate: Hm. *Hangs up.*
David: We need to go on a quest to the universe to ask it permission for malls and Kylas to be able to handle each other.
Josh: No, because it’s going to take two months to finally finish the mission, and a bunch of people are going to get killed, and we’re going to have to be chased by all sorts of baddies, and have to go into feakin space again and in the end, Kyla will be all like “what makes you think I wanted to go to the mall in the first place?”
Kyla: *Sarcastically* Haha. *She hangs up.*
*David and Josh arrive at the cave.*
David: Yeah fool?
Josh: Be careful. There be monsters afoot.
*As they walk deep into the cave they see a bloody body sitting up against the cave wall, missing both hands.*
Josh: Whoa. What’s this?
*All of the sudden, Carl appears from deeper in the cave with red hands.*
Josh: Carl! What did you do?
Carl: Huh? *Looks at the body* What? Ah, I didn’t do this.
Josh: Tell me Carl. What did you do before we got here.
Carl: Well um. Well I was in my room.
Josh: Uh huh.
Carl: In my bed.
Josh: Go on.
Carl: Reading a book. And well this guy walked in…
Carl: And well, I stabbed him thirty seven times in the chest.
Josh: Caaaarrlll, that kills people!
David: True fact
Carl: Oh. Gosh, I uh, I didn’t know that.
Josh: Why did you kill this person Carl??
Carl: I do not kill people. That is, that is my least favorite thing to do.
Josh: What happened to his hands?
Josh: His hands. Why are they missing from his body?
Carl: oh well I uh, cooked them up. And ate them.
Carl: What? My stomach was making the rumblies…
Carl: That only hands could satisfy/
Josh: What is wrong with you Carl!!!
Carl: Well I uh, I kill people and I eat hands that’s, that’s two things.
Josh: Ugh. Why are you here anyways?
Carl: I told you. I like hands. I saw this guy walk in. He was wearing this *holds up swastika arm band* I assumed it was okay to eat his hands, since he is a baddie. He had a gun *holds up MP40*
Josh: Huh. Let’s hope that he was the first nazi to come here. *Josh searches the nazi and finds a note in his back pocket.*
Note: 1. 2% milk 2. Fava Beans 3. Cotton Candy 4. Gummy Bears 5. Swedish Fish 6. A bottle of white wine 7. The blood of my enemies 8. Radscorpian venom. 9. A lunchables packet (any type) 10. Some coffee beans
*Here and there, the words are crossed out, but for the most part, it seems the Nazi hadn’t found everything he needed. The Nazi does have some Swedish Fish on him though.*
Josh: Oooh! Swedish fish! *Eats all Swedish fish. Sadly, Josh realizes too late that the swedish fish are actually just fish with the flag of Sweden on them. Clearly the Nazi wasn’t that bright.* Hmmm. The note seems suspicious. *Holds lighter up to the back of the note to see if there’s a secret message,*
Secret message: If you’re reading this, then you’re too smart for this job.
Josh: Wow. Guess this guy was pretty stupid. He had a submachine gun and Carl managed to stab him thirty seven times in the chest with a kitchen knife. Well. Free food. Let’s keep moving.
Carl: Let’s find more evil bent-cross male men. I need more hands.
*As they venture deeper into the Radscorpion caves, piles of starch white dry bones of animals can be seen, at least they seem like animal bones. Carl picks up a skeleton hand and starts sucking on it.*
Josh: You need help Carl.
*Suddenly, in the darkness, the scuffling of giant legs can be heard. The group’s flashlights open up on a pack of Radscorpions: giant, mutated scorpions, with lethal stingers.*
Josh: *Takes out rifle and points it at the giant scorpions legs.*
Carl: WOO! LOOK AT DEM LEGS! *Carl starts shooting the Nazis gun at them*
*The scorpions armor is thick, and although damage is dealt, it is minimized by the monster’s exoskeleton. Josh takes out a compound bow and shoots an explosive arrow at one of the scorpions. The scorpion squeals in pain, but it limps onward toward Josh. Josh shoots another explosive arrow. The scorpion finally drops, but the others still close in, stingers dripping with venom. Josh takes out a suppressed assault rifle and starts firing away. David and Carl are pretty much emptying their guns.
A few Radscorpions drop, but they eventually surround the gang, stabbing away with their massive stingers. Pain rushes throughout their bodies, making it hard to breath. Their senses become almost useless as they fall into a feelingless sleep.*